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None too coherent.
A while back I hit an articulation of love that I have half-lost, but which had something to do about deriving joy from witnessing joy in the loved one. Ideally, to inspire that joy, but sometimes that's asking too much of someone, to let that happen. But recursion if so.
This is easy at the beginnings of things, in what![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
erispope calls Bob Hates Peas, or what I saw someone refer to once as "Wow, you breathe air too?" New relationships are exothermic reactions; they throw off energy that will power joy straight into stupidity if it's not watched. Finding the stuff that will keep driving that response after the surge settles down is hard. It takes work, and it's too easy to break down when the bottomless energy supply goes, or just start running down from there because the work wasn't done when it was so, so easy to do anything having to do with that interaction.
I wish I could articulate partnership better. I can wave my hands around but not say it, the sense of taking care, the shared balanced looking after each other's well-being. A shared discussion of rocks in heads (and the monsters that lurk under them), people don't like me, I'm not good for people. . . But back to recursion. I don't know. The thoughts are there, the words aren't, I haven't jiggered these Tetris pieces around the right way. [It's all territory, Stormy handles that stuff and she doesn't do language.]
Even when the responsibility goes, the concern lasts for me. That's why it was important to me recently to findrubberskunk again -- because of the lasting care for a partner, even though the partnership itself ended. (Ma'at is the force that gathers people into communities again.) It was a good impulse to follow through on.
Today I love and today I am loved. And I found in myself the caring for a partner, the free offering of those things I had, and I won smiles with it. And mischief.
I am full of joy.
A while back I hit an articulation of love that I have half-lost, but which had something to do about deriving joy from witnessing joy in the loved one. Ideally, to inspire that joy, but sometimes that's asking too much of someone, to let that happen. But recursion if so.
This is easy at the beginnings of things, in what
erispope calls Bob Hates Peas, or what I saw someone refer to once as "Wow, you breathe air too?" New relationships are exothermic reactions; they throw off energy that will power joy straight into stupidity if it's not watched. Finding the stuff that will keep driving that response after the surge settles down is hard. It takes work, and it's too easy to break down when the bottomless energy supply goes, or just start running down from there because the work wasn't done when it was so, so easy to do anything having to do with that interaction.I wish I could articulate partnership better. I can wave my hands around but not say it, the sense of taking care, the shared balanced looking after each other's well-being. A shared discussion of rocks in heads (and the monsters that lurk under them), people don't like me, I'm not good for people. . . But back to recursion. I don't know. The thoughts are there, the words aren't, I haven't jiggered these Tetris pieces around the right way. [It's all territory, Stormy handles that stuff and she doesn't do language.]
Even when the responsibility goes, the concern lasts for me. That's why it was important to me recently to find
rubberskunk again -- because of the lasting care for a partner, even though the partnership itself ended. (Ma'at is the force that gathers people into communities again.) It was a good impulse to follow through on.Today I love and today I am loved. And I found in myself the caring for a partner, the free offering of those things I had, and I won smiles with it. And mischief.
I am full of joy.
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